The Existential Crisis of Motherhood: A Heroine’s Journey
Becoming a mother is nothing short of a heroine’s journey. It’s a transformative odyssey that reshapes who we are, challenges our assumptions, and leads us to a deeper understanding of ourselves. In the beginning, we’re like the heroine at the threshold of a grand adventure, unaware of the profound changes that lie ahead. It’s not just a physical transformation—it’s a deep, soulful shift. The woman you were before your child is no longer the same woman after. That shift is both overwhelming and beautiful, but it also comes with its own set of trials and tribulations—the existential crisis of motherhood.
Much like the heroine in mythology who crosses into unknown territory, we, as mothers, face an initiation into a new life. And this initiation isn’t easy. In the early stages, it’s as if we’ve been thrown into a labyrinth of sleepless nights, endless to-do lists, and a profound sense of loss. A mother’s identity often feels lost in the chaos, as if we’ve wandered far from the world we once knew. The world as we understood it is now unrecognizable, and we’re left searching for meaning in the midst of the unknown.
This is the “call to adventure” that every mother answers when she steps into motherhood. It’s a sacred invitation to rediscover who we are in a way we never expected. But, as Joseph Campbell teaches us in his concept of the Hero’s Journey, the call is often met with resistance. We might deny it, retreat into familiar comforts, or question our worth. The feelings of isolation, guilt, and confusion are real. They’re not just symptoms of chemical imbalances or hormones—they are signs of something deeper: an existential crisis. It’s as if we’ve entered the unknown without a map, unsure of where we are headed.
When I first became a mother, I too found myself lost. I didn’t recognize the person I had become, nor could I picture the path ahead. I was standing at the threshold of a new life, but I didn’t know how to step into it. I struggled to understand the meaning of my existence beyond being a mother. But as with any heroine's journey, these moments of doubt and disillusionment are part of the process of transformation. They are the trials that ultimately lead to wisdom. The way out of this crisis isn’t to turn back; it’s to continue on the path with openness and grace.
In many ways, what we call postpartum depression is more akin to a deep initiation into a new role. Like the heroine who must face trials and confront fears, we must face the challenges of motherhood head-on. And in doing so, we emerge stronger, more whole. This process of confronting the unknown and the uncomfortable is what leads us to greater self-awareness and meaning in life.
But the journey is not meant to be traveled alone. The heroine, after all, finds guidance along the way—sometimes in the form of a wise mentor or a magical helper. In reflecting on my own journey as a mother, I realize how vital it was to have a friend who truly understood me. It was about creating a village—a community that honored and supported my journey. In ancient times, mothers were supported by their communities, celebrated as part of the sacred rites of passage. In today’s world, we must consciously recreate that sense of village, for it is this support that provides the strength to navigate our journey with purpose. Even if this, as in my case, means just one close friend that gets it.
Religion and spirituality also serve as guides, offering us a sense of peace and connection to something greater than ourselves. Just as the heroine might turn to divine forces or inner wisdom, we too can find solace in spiritual practices that nurture our resilience. Whether through prayer, meditation, or simply a quiet moment of reflection, connecting to a higher power can help us make sense of the challenges we face and ground us in a sense of meaning. It reminds us that we are part of something bigger—a larger story that transcends the daily struggles of motherhood.
Another key moment in the heroine’s journey is when the heroine realizes she must let go of her old self in order to embrace the new. This is true for motherhood as well. We are often faced with the idealized image of what it means to be a “perfect” mother—the one who never struggles, always loves unconditionally, and makes everything look effortless. But, much like the heroine who must shed their illusions to face the real challenges ahead, we must shed this unrealistic ideal of perfection. In doing so, we can embrace the raw, messy beauty of motherhood. When we let go of judgment and self-criticism, we find freedom and authenticity. This is where true strength lies—not in perfection, but in embracing the full spectrum of emotions that come with being a mother.
Some of the most powerful lesson I’ve learned on this journey is the importance of reconnecting with the ancient stories of our ancestors. The myths, legends, and folklore of our cultures are full of wisdom that can guide us through our own journeys as mothers. In the heroine’s journey, the heroine is often tasked with returning home—returning with a newfound understanding of themselves and their world. For mothers today, that “return” is about reconnecting with the stories of those who came before us. These stories are not lost; they are simply waiting to be remembered.
By reclaiming these stories, we awaken the wisdom of generations past. The archetypal mother figures within them are still alive in us. These figures—whether they are nurturing goddesses, wise women, or heroic mothers—can offer us the strength to navigate our own trials and find purpose in the messiness of motherhood. Just as the heroine returns with a gift that benefits their community, we too can find gifts in these stories—gifts of strength, wisdom, and resilience.
Motherhood is a sacred journey, a heroine’s journey. It is not always easy, but it is always meaningful. By embracing the existential crisis, seeking support, finding peace in spirituality, and reconnecting with the stories of our ancestors, we can navigate this path with grace. The stories we reclaim today will light the way for us—and for the generations to come. Just like the heroine who returns from their journey transformed, we, too, emerge from the trials of motherhood with a deeper understanding of who we are and the power of the journey we’ve undertaken.
Melissa Clarke
